I had the (mis)
fortune of working with a self-professed ‘chamchi’. In my eighteen and a half years of service in
a reputed public sector organization, I had seen several variants of toadies,
but this particular lady took the bakery! She had a ‘Chamchi Quotient’ (CQ) of 100 on a scale of 1 to 100. Thus she was
a cent per cent, true-blood ‘chamchi’.
She was fair and
attractive and hence made utmost use of her looks to gain ‘mileage’. I then truly understood why multi-national
pharmaceutical companies spent crores on advertising fairness creams to the
‘lesser-endowed’ damsels!
Of course, her
other ‘praise-worthy’ traits of ‘chamchagiri’
were in her DNA, lovingly nurtured by her, throughout her life; it seemed. All
her clever 206 bones oozed ‘chamchagiri’. In fact, so adept was she at manipulating,
scheming, one-upmanship and toadying, that I was convinced that she’d have an
alternative career, if she ever quit the organization. That of being the Chairperson of a University
which gave excellent training and bestowed a Ph.D in ‘chamchagiri’! She could even
patent her brand!
Her witticisms or
gems of wisdom included statements like ‘The Boss is always right. If my Boss asks me to sweep the floor, I’ll
do it for him/her. Ego massaging is very
important.’ You get the drift, right?
She’d bandy around
these statements loudly so that all around her would hear and act
accordingly. She wanted to be the
role-model for ‘chamchagiri’ and hence
expected her subordinates too, to hold a candle to her ‘illustrious’
persona! And all hell would be unleashed
on those who didn’t butter her up and ‘foolishly’ tried to cross swords with
her. She’d see to it that those persons
were reduced to nervous wrecks.
How?
By carrying
fictitious tales about them to the superiors, getting them castigated in front
of the whole office by the Boss; getting their Confidential Reports sullied, or
better still, getting them transferred prematurely! I had caught her red-handed
in one such ‘ear-filling’ session and given her a chunky piece of my mind, right
in front of the equally-red-faced Boss, after which she always maintained a
safe, wary distance from me. All the others in the office had marveled at my
‘courage’ to take ‘panga’ with her.
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Everyone in the
office would wonder about her proficiency in ‘managing’ things and the
single-minded dedication to her machinations and of course ‘chamchagiri’.
She’d often form a
mutual admiration society with the current Boss, and with her cronies; while
simultaneously running down others in the office, and the ‘unfortunate’ former
Bosses; with disparaging remarks. She’d
carry the work done by her subordinates to the Bosses for approval, acting as
though she had done them or got them done in no time at all! She was supposed to be the super-fast engine
and all the others were slow-coach morons.
The fact was that she rarely worked.
She just didn’t have time to work as she was busy with ‘Corporate and
caste-based, divisive Politics’! She
followed the ‘Divide and Rule’ policy to a T.
The extent of her
toadying influence could be seen by the fact that she was on very pally terms
with the Bosses! She’d talk to them very
casually and even poke fun and ridicule them with gems like ‘ullu ka pattha’ and the old Boss would
fawn and grin over her reprehensible, objectionable comments, ignoring the fact
that he had been maligned by her! Her ‘Halo effect’ always worked on the poor
Bosses.
When a lady Boss
was transferred, this ‘chamchi’ gave
a speech which glorified the Boss and ended with “Madam, I hope you will not
forget me.” She had taken care to inform
all of us, in her speech, that Madam was like a mother-figure to her and that
she apprised Madam of all her personal problems too. She got a sari from this Boss as a personal
gift on that occasion.
No wonder, when
she would tell the Boss, “My son is very small and needs my attention now. I must see him off to school daily and be
back home before he reaches so that I can spend quality time with him,” the
Boss would melt like butter and give her permission to reach office late and
leave office early, everyday! Often,
she’d also hitch a free ride home from the Boss and other seniors in their cars
and take some of us along, so as to not make it look obvious. But then these
are the perks of ‘chamchagiri’.
She’d accompany the Boss and her family for
her personal shopping sprees. She’d also solicitously enquire about the Boss’
family and family problems and offer advice and solace; to earn brownie points.
Curiously, this ‘chamchi’ couldn’t tolerate any other
person toadying up to the Boss. She’d
tarnish that person’s image in front of the Boss till he/she started hating that ‘toad’.
This ‘chamchi’ would boast that she could get
the Boss to do her bidding by just ‘making a very innocent face.’ Wow, she’d have made an excellent Oscar-winning
actress.
Her justification
was that people at her level didn’t need to work. “If I work, it’s a shame on all of you. Why should I work when I have so many
sub-ordinate officers, and staff? The
Boss has assured me that as one goes up the Corporate Ladder, one’s physical work-load
lessens, hence I needn’t feel guilty if I’m not working,” was her brazen
explanation.
Thanks to all her
relentless and super-efficient ‘chamchagiri’,
she got all those who toadied up to her, good CRs and promotions; and also
ensured that they got very convenient and plum postings.
Life for her was
so cushy in the office that she roamed the premises like a Queen, smug and
condescending. She’d often remark, “I am
the ruler of these seven acres” as if she was the Queen of that Kingdom!
If anyone in the
office made a mistake, she’d raise a hue and cry about it and if she made one,
she’d be as quiet as a mouse. Of course,
since she rarely did anything, she couldn’t make one! If she did, she’s pass the buck down the
line. The bouquets were always hers and
the brick-bats were always others’! She
obviously didn’t believe in collective responsibility and team-work. The credit
was always hogged by her, solely. She’d even claim credit for others’ ideas by
unscrupulously usurping them, often right from under their noses!
She had managed to
cling to this particular posting for 7 long years whereas officially, Officers
were transferred once in every 3 to 4 years.
She wanted to remain ‘life-long’ (as per her own admission) in that
office and enjoy a cushy life there, by getting promoted ‘in-situ’! Hence it was not surprising that when her time came to be
transferred elsewhere, she pulled all strings to remain right where she was and
got another person, that is yours truly, transferred; before 3 years. Good riddance to the thorn in the flesh; from
both sides, I assure you!
Oh, and by the
way, as per regular reports, this ‘chamchi’
still occupies pride of place in that organization, gets plum postings; and goes
about her shenanigans religiously. This
one would surely put all the ‘kutte ki
dums’ to shame!
Now, I’ve voluntarily retired from that organization; but the
delicious/nauseous tales of her ‘chamchagiri’
continue to tickle me and sicken me, in equal measure!
The
copyright of this write-up is with Mrs. Priya Ramesh Swaminathan.
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