Suresh was a
laid back youngster in his mid-twenties. He had completed his graduation, but
hadn’t
been successful in landing a good job. Whenever anyone asked
him about it, he would airily remark, “I
don’t have one but my elder sister is working in a bank.” It
would appear weird to that person, as
Suresh was evading the real question and answering about his
sister’s job status. When that person
wondered about it, he got the answer that Suresh was trying
to rest on his sister’s laurels! As if her
having a bank job substituted for him being jobless!
A senior citizen had never held any
worthwhile job in his lifetime. As a result, he had no retirement
benefits to fall back on in his old age and had to be
totally dependent on his only son for his sustenance.
His eldest brother held a very senior, Managerial position
in a Public Sector undertaking. He lived in
another city.
The senior citizen would use every
opportunity to talk about his brother and praise him to
the skies. “He’s very, very clever and accomplished. Imagine
being the top Boss! He draws a salary of Rs.
50,000/-. He’s held various responsible positions in his
organization.” As he would sing praises ad
nauseum, his audience would wonder why it was being given
all this information, in which it was
least interested.
Obviously,
he was trying to deflect attention from himself to his brother. He felt that he
was
worthless and his brother was priceless! He didn’t have any
redeeming quality and his brother was a
paragon of success!
Such
instances are common when a person has low self-esteem and an inferiority
complex. He
may not be an achiever, may not be very clever, may not have
wealth and estate; and may not have an
exalted position in society. Hence to draw attention away
from his ‘perceived’ defects, flaws and
shortcomings, he starts talking about some accomplished and
noteworthy individual, hoping that that
person’s aura rubs off on him too! He basks in the reflected
glory and laurels of that individual and starts
feeling good about himself. This process continues each time
that his ‘worth’ is called into question.
Though it’s
obvious to the other person that he’s indulging in passive sycophancy, this
person
nurtures no such misgivings. He’s content to remain under
that accomplished individual’s safe shadow.
He draws succor from the fact of having known or being
closely associated with that accomplished
individual. His life is made! One such person always got
himself photographed with celebrities and
displayed those framed photographs prominently at his home
and office. He used to preen when
anyone commented on them and felt important!
Then there
are those who are compulsive name-droppers. “Lata (Mangeshkar) used to stay in
the
same street as me, in my childhood days!” “Kishore (Kumar)
was my class-mate.” “ Sachin (Tendulkar) is
the same, ever since he was a kid!”
The
name-dropper latches on to the celebrity in question and attempts to show
his/her proximity
and longstanding association with that celebrity, so that
he/she also becomes famous and talked-about,
in society circles! He/she tries to depict an intimacy
between the celebrity and himself/herself, by
referring to that celebrity by his or her first name or even
nick-names. Thus name-dropping is
considered to be a status symbol with ‘brag-value’!
It is
thought that the more celebrity names one drops, seemingly casually, during the
course of a
conversation in a high-profile party or occasion, the more
does that person who’s dropping names,
become popular and much-sought-after!
Autograph-hunters
will flock to him/her and request him/her to get that celebrity’s autograph or
even an audience with that celebrity. This assumed
importance works wonders for the shameless name-
dropper’s ego. Such persons are publicity-crazy and want to
share the spotlight with those celebrities for
free and without their knowledge or consent. They are just
trying to rest on another person’s
laurels and piggy-back their way to success or fame.
Such
name-dropping could get for them, contracts of work or make them popular in
society.
Those who tout influential and powerful connections with
those in power, such as politicians, world
leaders, businessmen and others; often worm their way into
great deals. This could be due to deference
towards those ‘powerful contacts in high places’ that could harm
someone who dares cross swords with
them; or to curry favor with them! But sadly, such people
aren’t respected or loved. They are in fact,
looked down upon and sniggered at! They are not accepted
whole-heartedly, but merely tolerated with
barely concealed impatience and contempt.
It is
quite common to brandish an influential and rich Dad’s/relative’s name to
escape the long
arm of law, whenever one has flouted it. “Don’t you know who
I am? I am so and so’s son/daughter!”
This one announcement often does the trick, if the
constables are gullible! The culprit is let off the hook
and goes about scot-free, again flouting the rules with
impunity.
An old
movie comes to mind in this context. In the movie ‘Jugnu’, actor Pran tells his
father
angrily and bristling with pride that “Those who use the
crutches of a Dad’s name are weak!” Alas, these
rule-flouting youngsters haven’t evidently seen that movie!
Some
lucky youngsters who have star-Dads or Moms have their first movies handed over
to
them on a platter. Likewise, offspring of some sports-persons,
musicians and singers too have it
comparatively easy as they get their first break easily.
These people don’t have to go through the grind
of struggling for their maiden debuts like the other
not-so-lucky ones!
Thus when
Akshay Kumar sings, “Na hum Amitabh, na
Dilip Kumar, na kisi hero ke bacche, hum hain seedhe saadhe
Akshay!” (I’m neither Amitabh, nor
Dilip Kumar, nor any hero’s son, I’m only an
ordinary simpleton named Akshay!), he echoes the sentiments
of those who cannot claim a stake to
fame or super-stardom just because of their celebrity
parents. Many such privileged youngsters fail to
make the final cut due to lack of merit!
Parents
often link their unfulfilled dreams and aspirations with their children’s
achievements.
Those who couldn’t become doctors or engineers want their
children to become one and try to achieve
their goals vicariously. They dedicate their lives towards
making their children’s careers blossom and
soar. They take great pride in their children’s achievement
and even proudly flaunt it by saying that my
son or daughter is a doctor or an engineer.
Similarly
housewives often snootily comment that their husbands are Directors, Managers,
etc. It’s
interesting how hierarchy is maintained even among the Officers’ wives.The husband’s position in office or society becomes a
status-symbol for the wife and family. A relative of mine was a school drop-out but prided on herself as her
husband was a Scientist!
So it could be safely said that one should
try to accomplish something in life, on one’s own merit
and not on the strength of ‘crutches’ of other people’s
laurels. Hard work, honesty, confidence, patience
and perseverance will definitely make your life a worthy one
of being emulated and looked up to.
The road to
success may be long and thorny, but you would’ve survived its trials and
tribulations
to emerge a stronger and better person! You can prove your
worth just by being yourself and not
someone’s pale shadow. Carve your own unique and distinct identity!
With luck and destiny, who
knows, others could one day, rest on your laurels!
Meanwhile, remember, it’s always better to be a tiny, twinkling star
that glows with its own
light, than the luminescent Moon that basks in the reflected
light of the mighty Sun!
The copyright of this article is with Mrs. Priya Ramesh Swaminathan.
