So you’ve made a friend and
are very happy. Good for you! But are you equipped to maintain this friendship
for a life-time? Let’s ponder over what it takes to do this and vow to
implement it regularly.
Give and take: Friendship involves a lot of exchange.
Sharing of material possessions is often de rigeur between close friends. But
what about emotional needs, fears and phobias, complexes and confidential
matters? These are the areas which truly determine the strength of your
friendship. One must be able to freely confide about these to one’s closest
friends and obtain good, constructive advice, opinions, views and utmost
confidentiality in return, from them. A good friend respects all your feelings,
most of all you, who have honored him/her with your infinite trust. He/she
mustn’t ever betray you, at any cost.
On your
part, you must be able to be such a trust-worthy confidante too. Squealing
about your best friend or ridiculing his fears and complexes will only drive
him apart from you. But if you shield his wrong-doings or crimes, you are
becoming an accomplice to his misdeeds and this is unacceptable. Confront
him/her and gently but firmly make him/her aware of his/her misdemeanor and get
him/her to turn over a new leaf.
Never take your friend for granted: In the movie Manzil, the
protagonist takes his friend for granted and even goes to the extent of
assuming his identity, for his own benefit. He drives his car, wears his
clothes, stays in his apartment, changes the name on the nameplate to his name,
borrows money time and again from him and tells his girl-friend that he is very
well-off. His over-generous friend never dissuades him. He only mildly chides
him that he is cheating his girl-friend by giving her a false impression of
being wealthy.
Hence it can
be seen that you should always consider your friend’s convenience and not take
all that is his/hers as a matter of right! Also, don’t bank on him/her to keep
covering up for your dishonesty. Even patience has its limits and it’ll be only
a matter of time before the lid is blown off!
Avoid taking advantage of your friend: As mentioned in the above story,
please refrain from taking advantage of a friend’s wealth, status, generosity
and kind nature. “All that is his/hers is mine!” shouldn’t be your dictum.
Rather, it would be better if you could do something for your friend at times.
Anita often
took small loans from her rich friend Suvarna for her personal needs. The
large-hearted Suvarna was ever ready to oblige. Over the years, the small loans
magnified into large debts running into lakhs of rupees. Now both Anita and her
unscrupulous husband Vineet took advantage of Suvarna’s largesse. Of course, a
part of this unfortunate turn of events could be attributed to Suvarna’s
inability to say “No” and blind faith in her friend. When Suvarna’s husband
Jeet started complaining and objecting, Suvarna reluctantly asked her friend to
repay all her debts.
Feigning
hurt, Anita said, “Don’t you trust me, dear friend? Haven’t I promised that
I’ll surely repay all the outstanding dues to you some day?” Suvarna then
realized how she had been all along taken for a ride by her so-called friend
who was just using her, to fulfill all her needs; without any intention of ever
returning the money she owed to her. Now Suvarna was sure that that “someday”
wouldn’t come any day, in the near future. She abruptly cut off all contact
with Anita, who realized that her game was up.
Beware of being a fair-weather friend: There are some who remember friends
and are with them only when circumstances are favorable and things are rosy.
With the slightest whiff of trouble or sorrow, these friends vanish into thin
air.
Ram was a
very well-to-do businessman. He had lots of friends and a large circle of
well-wishers. His lavish parties were very well-attended and were the talk of
that town. Suddenly his fortunes changed and he found himself not only
bankrupt, but even devoid of any friends. All his so-called friends and
well-wishers had broken all ties with him, fearing that he would ask them for
help and financial assistance. He then realized that they had just been his
fair-weather friends and not genuine ones who would weather the storms with him.
Be a friend in need: Friends are a fine support-system
and provide welcome succor in times of despair. The help given by friends may
not be just monetary, but emotional too. Moral support matters a lot when one loses
his/her job, is on the verge of divorce, is beset by illness or suffers the loss
of one’s loved ones. That irreplaceable loss is bridged by the warmth of
friendship. The genuine consolation offered by friends, acts like a balm on
one’s wounds; inflicted by the vagaries of life.
When Geeta’s
husband died in an unfortunate road accident, all her friend rallied around
her, comforting her and offering her kind words of consolation. She felt
somewhat better and relieved that she wasn’t all alone in the world.
Smita lost
her job and was broke. She hoped that some friend would help her financially
till she got another job. When she approached her best friend Akanksha for
help, she brusquely turned her off saying that she herself didn’t have any
money, even though she was quite well-off. Smita was heart-broken. She had
really looked forward to and banked on her friend’s help. She felt let-down by
her friend and was very miserable. She felt lonely and uncared for!
Make time for each other: Any relationship requires time and
effort to be invested in it to make it stronger and more meaningful. Friendship
is no exception to this rule. Always be there for your friends when they need
you the most. Spend quality time with your friends; this doesn’t mean that you
keep messaging your friends or communicate only through Facebook!
Face-to-face
interactions are better than superficial means of keeping in touch. Real
conversations, lively interactions, shared cokes and jokes, laughter and
camaraderie are possible only when you actually meet each other regularly. No
matter how busy you are, make it a point to meet each other and catch up on
what each of you is doing. Go for picnics and get-togethers, parties and
functions and live it up! Remember to wish each other on Birthdays,
Anniversaries and other important occasions. Get involved in group activities
like volunteering for an NGO so that you can conveniently and regularly meet
each other.
Just as a
plant withers in the absence of regular watering, your friendship will wither
if you don’t endeavor to keep it fresh and alive!
Nurture your
friendship. It’s worth it: Thus one can sum up this interesting topic by saying that friendship is
a symbiotic relationship. There is no one who is greater or better between the
two. Each friend supports and enriches the other’s life. A true friendship
shuns egos and cultivates care, affection, compassion, warmth and fun. Only
persons who are always there for each other through thick and thin can be
termed as real friends. The true test of a friendship is the test of time. Can
your friendship pass this test?
The End
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The copyright of this article has now been assigned to Woman's Era magazine.
It has been published in the May 1st issue of this magazine.
