Some people find it very hard to trust their life-partners because of deep feelings of insecurity and doubt. The bond of friendship is weak and the level of trust at its nadir. The fault may lie with either partner and they must take adequate steps to step up their comfort level and compatibility so that they can become confidantes in the truest sense of the word.
Keep your sensors on: Keep all lines of communication open at all times. Your spouse must feel confident about a good hearing from your side. You must keep your eyes and ears open, so that even if the problem is not openly sounded, you pick up the drift from the body language or demeanor of your partner. If something is wrong your senses must be fine-tuned to it. You could then ask your partner about what is troubling him or her!
Sadhana was being hounded by her dominating Boss in office and she was resenting it and wanted to resign from her job but knew that they couldn’t afford to live on only one salary as they had huge EMIs to repay on their housing loan. So she suffered in silence and appeared dull and depressed all the while. When her hubby Gunjan gently asked her to confide in him one day, she broke down and narrated her tale of woe to him. He promptly told her to resign from the job if she so wished. She could look out for another job or he would take another part-time one to supplement their income. There, he had made it sound so easy. It made Sadhana guilty as she hadn’t trusted and confided in her dear hubby who had so readily solved her dilemma. She had needlessly suffered for a whole year!
Keep the green-eyed monster at bay: Don’t always try to prove the adage, ‘Jealousy, thy name is woman!’ Of course, men can be equally jealous and resentful! When one is jealous; spite and venom cloud one’s reasoning beyond repair. If you are jealous of your partner’s success you can never live peacefully together. One-upmanship will claim all your energy and your sole aim in life would be to trip the other on your way to the top. Remember, it is very lonely at the top. Who could be a better person to give you much-needed company there, apart from your beloved partner? So it would be wiser and more fun if you continue your ascent hand-in-hand.
George was a Senior Manager in a reputed bank. When his wife Nancy, who worked in the same bank, was promoted to the Branch Manager’s post in that same bank and transferred, George was blinded by rage, fuelled by jealousy. He started picking up quarrels with her on flimsy pretexts and even accusing her of ‘buttering-up’ the Bosses. Fed up with his insinuations, Nancy considered two options. Either she could leave her job or leave him. Being very level-headed, she chose her job over him. Their divorce was a result of her husband’s inability to withstand healthy competition.
A word of caution: Don’t place blind faith in your partner and risk being taken for a ride. Keep your ‘danger sensors’ on high alert and take the necessary steps if you encounter a philandering partner. Have tabs on your joint bank accounts and investments regularly to avoid quiet withdrawals by your unscrupulous partner. Don’t be a victim of forgery or fraud by your spouse.
Commitment is a must: When two mature people are in a relationship, it must always be for the long haul. Promiscuity and infidelity spoil most relationships, even the ones that appeared reliable and strong. Needless to say, the onus lies solely on the cheating partner. Trust is the main pillar of a happy alliance. Here it would be pertinent to state that a partner who unnecessarily suspects his/ her partner of infidelity should be taken to task and reformed. After all, how can one feel safe and secure, if one always has a doubting partner around?
He/she must be made to confront his low esteem and insecurity, gently, yet firmly.
Meena was a nagging wife with an inferiority complex, who pestered her hubby Santosh about his late hours at his office. She would make numerous phone calls to him and hamper his work, throughout the day. She suspected him of having an affair with his secretary. Her baseless allegations and nasty remarks had her hubby at the end of his tether. One day, he gave her an ultimatum. Improve or get out. He even offered to take her to his office and meet his staff. He advised her to take up a job and keep herself busy. Only then would she realize the work-pressures! She relented and begged his forgiveness on seeing his sincerity at removing her unfounded doubts and fears.
Learn to take betrayal in your stride: Whenever you feel that you’ve been let down by your partner, talk to him/her and explain your hurt feelings. Be sure to vent your feelings in a rational and polite manner. Don’t let things get out of hand by taking impulsive decisions that you may regret later. After all, what is life but a compromise? Talk it over and stand up to your decisions. While one cannot always have one’s way, if the other is repentant and promises to mend ways, surely all is not lost.
Hope always strengthens bonds and efforts to mend a fraying relationship means that the relationship means more to you than just some rough bumps on the way! Think of it as a pot-holed road on which one has to travel come what may. Do we leave going to work just because we have to commute on that same pot-holed road twice daily? No, we will first try to fill the pot-holes and only think of a detour if it fails!
A home means adjustment, understanding and an unfailing commitment to continuing the relationship. Here a counselor or even close friend or relatives can help in mending bridges. Hence rule out the easy way of taking a short-cut and abruptly ending a relationship that was meant for keeps!
Thus we can trust our partners and lead enriching and fulfilling lives or wallow in self-pity and lead miserable lives. The choice is ours! Let us just remember that a journey is enjoyable only with a good and fun-loving companion. Only infinite trust will gift us such a companion!
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The copyright of this article is with Mrs.Priya Ramesh Swaminathan
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